And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost
"The Road Not Taken" is my favorite poem, just above "Oh Captain My Captain" and "Invictus". (Neither of those are because of the movies they are in, although I also love the movies. I love the poems for their own sake, as great works of art and literature.) But tonight "The Road Not Taken" feels more applicable to my life than it ever has before. Today was my first day of college. I don't like school. I have never liked school. So the idea of spending yet another four long years on it before I can get into the real world and - ideally - finally be able to do what I love is not a fun one. It feels like today was my first day setting off down "the one less traveled by" and I can't help wondering if the "road NOT taken" would be better. Decisions are hard, 'cause what if the other option was the right choice? I will never get the chance to make this choice again, what if I'm screwing it up? What if this isn't how it's supposed to go for me? I've started down a road, one that I'll be able to step off of at any time, but I can never go back to the beginning of it.
The truth is I'm scared. I've been in such a comfortable little niche for so long, even getting a job, buying a car so on and so forth, those things were part of my niche. But college? Yeah not so much. I took French last semester as a senior in high school, but other than that I've spent almost zero time in a class room. In some ways I have to deal with the culture shock of both Freshman year of college and 1st grade.
Plus it's after mid-night which is prime freak-out-about-life-and-impending-doom time for me.
